dear reader,
they say your most powerful story is your own. this also at times the hardest story for you have to get down to the good bad and ugly.
my story begins the day i was born. November 29. it was 3 am in orangeville hospital yay i was born lol!!!
when i was young i had some not so good things happen to me and someone close to me. i was comfortable living in orangeville i learned how to ride my tricycle it was red . i learned to ride my first bike at singing waters where my Grandparents were the directors or worked there. there's a part of me that will always have a heart for orangeville. anyways when i was 3.5 years old we moved to a small house in kurtzville where we lived for i think 2 years. in that time my sister got real sick with asthma and almost died so my older brother and i stayed at different people's homes. i spent alot of time with the Longmans and Bert and Ruly Donkergoed. i think they without realizing it have helped set me up to who i am today!! I went to kindergarten and 2 weeks of grade 1 i remember i always tagged around my brother and his like 3 or 4 best friends. every day i was at school my brother's friend jesse would wait for me and we would run the fence line together and chat. it was nice to have an older guy look out for me even though i was pretty young.We then moved to the race course side road or Atwood area for those who have no idea where that is!! we switched schools and started going to Elma township. it was good when i first started public school i was included by the girls but then slowly the new girl phase wore off and i faded into the reject phase. i ended up failing grade 1 because i couldn't read. again i was set back from kids my age. i didn't really fit in with anyone in fact i was always the attitude child if something was wrong id tell you. when i was in grade 3 i had a grade 1 student literally choking and strangling me with my own scarf and my little sister rachel saw this she jumped on him and started pounding him. rachel and i have this bond even when we don't always see eye toy eye. we love each other. I was teased a lot and began to get discouraged it got so bad that in grade 6 i was home schooled. this same year november 27, 1997 my mom had gone to pick up my dad from work it was about 3 am they ended up losing control of the van.dad was able to get help but mom was unconscious she smashed her head through the window. i got really angry at mom for that actually i started to hate and resent my mom. even from far back i think from the damage from being teased and sexually assaulted at a very young age and never being able to come to terms with it i think i in a way blamed my mom for not protecting me for not being there. anyways in grade 7 i went back to Elma township public school. and the teasing got even worse kids would start to tell me they would party if i was dead. and i got knocked down and bullied. i never felt like i was worth anything at all. i sunk into a even smaller box. i kept journals but even that helped only a little. growing up i was always stubborn head strong and very strong personality. i think i pushed people away because i was so insecure and it was easier to bury myself them to reveal who i really was.at that age it's already a journey trying to discover who you are and where you fit. led alone being teased. I was young girl crying and dying inside. I thought about suicide i thought maybe the world would be a better place with me not here. i had Jesus in my heart but even at church i hated it so much. i remember as soon as church was over i would run to the vehicle and cry. i was such a hurting girl living a lonely world. when i was 8 i experienced my first really tragic death in my family. my uncle david was killed at work. he was only 21 at the time i believe. he had a tractor roll on top of him.
No comments:
Post a Comment