Saturday, 29 October 2011

In the heart of the storm

Dear  reader,
  Lately  I have felt  an attack on my  character.  It's  like i get  past  one thing and then another thing just  as  hard  hits me  like  a  an arrow to the heart. everything in me wants to  run and  hide. you  see  i am good  at  speaking  from the  surface but  from the  depths of my  heart yeah  you can forget that!!  it's  not that i  don't  want to  let  people in it's  that i don't  trust many.  i know i write  all these blogs on  life.  i  write  from the heart of things.  yet  the  writer aka me  can't  seem to  get to the heart of things for  myself.
   On Wednesday I went  to  tribe and  decided that i need to start praying for the leaders. ( p.s any  leader that  needs  prayer please  come to me  before  tribe  starts and i would love to pray for you)  as  worship  ended  my  eyes  just  began to water  with passion for our  king.  God  is  greater then anything we are going through.  i anxiously  awaited to find out  if i made the  worship  team. and the  answer  was  no in  fact i have been taken off the  worship team  completely.  to tell you  the truth I  was  not upset.  in  fact as  funny as it  was i was just hoping that  people won't  get the  wrong idea.  that season is  over and this  is  my time to  shine. i just know  where  my  light needs to shine.this  is  my season.  my  season to change my character.  i mean to let God  do the work needed in me.  cause on my own  everything feels like it's  fading though i have  the most amazing friends that one  could  pray  for. ( each of my friend is  instrumental in there own way. take  my friend James. he  is always there  with strength and willing to  pray  and  speak into my life. then there is Michelle  who  is  iron  sharpens iron,  then there is  Tiffany who  will  tell you  the  truth as it is.  then you  have  Amanda who is relatable, then you have Jethro who  will call me out on things that no one  knows about, then you have Charlotte that is  very  gentle  but  has  so much to offer and  Bobbi  Joe she  is  like a  big sister and has  the biggest  loving heart,  she  would  be there for  anyone  in a  heart beat. thank you Jesus  for  influential people in my life and those that i didn't  mention God  uses you  all so much you  all have  such a special place in my  life and in my heart.
  (oh  God you are my god, I  will  ever  praise you, I  will  praise you in the morning, I  will learn to  walk in your ways. and step  by  step  you  lead me. and i will follow you all of my  days.) 
  Maybe like me you  feel as thought you  can't  find your place. in side of you,  you  know that you  belong,  but you  don't  know where  you fit in the  picture. you  try to tell yourself that it  will be alright and it  will.  be alright!  I can't  stand the feeling of inadequacy of the heart  it's  very unsettling. ha ha ha 
  maybe  your circumstances are  overwhelming and  you  have  had enough. you  just  can't  stand the  place you are in. I  know where you are at  i know the  hard places that you are facing because i think this is the  worst month for me really  can't  wait  for it to be over to  be honest.  but here's  the  thing  as long as we are running from our  circumstances we aren't  going to  change we are  just  going to  stay the same until we  truly get it. you  know that God allows  us to go through the  hard  times  so that  we can  grow and be  better for it.  he loves us to much to leave us the same.  so get  over  this thinking that  you  don't  fit that you aren't  good enough. it's  time to  smarten up and  thank Jesus for  everything.
   Michelle told me today that   we are like a  cookie.  Jesus  is the flour  that holds the  substance holds the foundation.  with each season you  go through there  is  another ingredient  that God adds. if  you  take the spoon and  Don't let  God  put the  ingredient  say for example the  vanilla extract.  if  you  keep God  back  and don't  allow him to give you  he  next  ingredient that cookie is not complete.so  do you want to be  fully  baked  and fully  prepared  or  do you  want to be the cookie that has missing  ingredients?   each of  us  makes a  different  kind of  cookie. we are fearfully and wonderfully made in all of Gods  creation.( analogy  from Michelle)






els

faith in the eye of the storm

Dear Reader,
                   Believe means to trust!!
    How  many times  have you had to deal with trust.  with believing in something bigger then your self.Right now  I am  having a hard time  believing  what I speak.  you  know it's  one thing  to speak  something but it's another thing to  believe something. 
   do  you  have  areas in you life that need to  change  or maybe your  past has dictated your circumstances. for  as long as i can remember i have shut people out  when i think they will hurt me i  put up this wall  of  defense.  anyone  else do that? 
    Here's the thing  almost all of my life i have  buried  the  real me  mostly from  past  issues.  i was forced to hide from  circumstances rather then  to  stand up  i let my insecurities  hold me  back. i was  too  afraid to let anyone in.  i  didn't  think that i was  worth anything so i let people  talk me out of my place. I let there  words hurt me. 
here I  was a girl  trying to find myself  and  never knowing who  i was  to be.  then  one  day  God  called me out and  told me  the  plans  he had  for me.  but  i was  to  caught up in myself to  believe that God  could actually be talking to me. now  i am in this  crossroads  trying to  be the best i can be.  not  just  some  christian  who  does  what's  right.  with all of me i want  to live a  life  for God.  
  let this be  my prayer for all of you  going through some of the hardest  things of your life.
 May  God's  love be  enough to save you from yourself in the hard times to follow. may you find  peace in God's presence. may you find joy in the places  where  hardness  of heart  has  tried to  overtake.may  God's love change you deep within.  you  know that  there is a  hope  beyond you and I  there is a  voice that needs to be heard.  so get  up  young man   get up young  woman  be the  over comer that you are  born to be. it's  time to  get  over yourself.


Elz

Thursday, 20 October 2011

how are you!

Dear  Reader
   How are you  doing  today? you  know to most this  simple  questions is  a  very loaded  one. you  know most  people  don't  expect a  real  answer "how are you" if  you are  at all like me  i  want to  answer  honestly  but  people are to busy  to hear the  truth.  so  how are you really doing  is  another approach!!  same thing  just  cut  the  falseness out.  
   How  do you respond  from the  depths of your  heart. I am sitting here at work. thinking of  an honest answer to how i  really  am.  you  see it has  become  so easy  to say i am  awesome  but  inside everything  feels  like it's  falling apart.  do you  do the  same  thing to? do you  cover up  how you feel!!i do that a lot.  it's  easier that way  but here's  the truth.  when you  cover  up so much  you stop  opening up the  real sides of you.  
   flip  side of it is  maybe you are one of those people that doesn't  take the  time to  really  find out  how  people are doing!! that's  so  easy to do as well.  you  have  all these  things to do and places to be that you  just want to be polite and  have  the  quick how are you then escape. but  maybe  just maybe  that person is at the lowest places in there life and they need  you  to  really  care  for  more then just a  quick hi  bye  thing. just think about it  at least!!!
     So  how are you today reader? is  everything OK for real?  if you  need to talk  bout  something  I am here.  my ears  are always  open.




Elz

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

hide and go seek

Dear  Readers
  Let's  just  get straight to the point.  lately  I  have had  every  opportunity to  run and to hide away  instead of  dealing  with some  pretty hard things.  i know i tend to  take on things i don't  have to.  I've  been  holding little  mini  pity  parties for myself. Really  who doesn't  every  once in awhile.
   I  have  to face  some  giants in my life and i  would  rather   hide  and  not have to  face up.  most  of  you  must  be  thinking  what is she talking  about?  Saturday  night i went to support my  brother  at his hockey  game. i  honestly wanted to get the heck out of there.  i  felt like an outsider  looking in. you  know if you are  lost you  want to be found. It  was as if i  wasn't  even there.  i had to  try not to cry  but  i had  small  tears  streaming down my face.  thinking  God  i know  i belong   but  what  is going on?people love me 
  About   9 or  10 years ago i went through the  exact same thing at  my parents church.  when i left  i ran away  from everyone i  mean  at this point  i  hardly  knew God. God felt  so far away from me.  but i knew that  he existed.  so i  ran away and  came  to  crossroads community  church.
  you  see  the  very  same  deal  minus  i  have a  relationship with God now.  everything in me wants  to  run.  but  I  won't  that's  not the  right thing to do. I'm not a  runner  anymore  i am a God  seeker. I  want  nothing but  God's  best.
  just before  i  moved out  there was another place that I  almost moved to  but  my mom told me no  your attitude is all wrong this is a  waiting season so just wait out and  let God  change your  heart and attitude.  I  didn't  want to hear that at all!!! anyways god  blessed  me  with a way  better place and  it  pays to wait  on God rather then  rush  and  run.
  If you are out there reading this and  any of this resonates with you. you  need to know that  though it is  a hard   i mean a very  hard place to be.  it is  never  worth running away  from your  problems. you  can  run but you can not  hide!! sometimes you  need to face the giants no matter how  hard  no matter how much you  do not  want to.  but it's  the  right thing to do.trust and believe. let God's  truth set you  free


elz

Monday, 17 October 2011

let's get to the heart of things

Dear Reader
 
   I have been many places and have been  going through alot.
Instead of  reaching out and  speaking out  and  saying i need  rescue In a  way i have been  running  away.  It  didn't  matter what anyone  said.  i was becoming 2 people.

  you  see  my personality is "let's  just  get to the heart of things" and  thats a  very  intense personality  for  pretty  much  everyone.  so I  have  given up  being the  real me. there is maybe  select  few that see  the  real me and then everyone else  i feel at times  like i have to be  this  person. live up to these  expectations.  be this person that people  will like.  you know  find an identity.  but no i  shut people out  i am  not  perfect. I  got to  focused on what i think i should look like to others that i  shut out  who i am.  my blogs  are  telling you the  real me.  there  is no  hiding there is no pretending.  i  can put  my heart into these  pages and  understand that  other's are  feeling the  same way. they  just need a  little  hope a little inspiration.
     In the past few weeks I have been  seeing sides of me that are not so fun. i have been  angry at  certain  leaders in the church.  I have picked up offenses that were never mine to pick up. i  have tryed  to deal  with it and the more i thought about certain issues the  more angry  i became. i  was full of fear. you  know what if i don't  deal  with these  area's  will  people really like me.  if  you  only  knew  what was going through my  mind.  I  have been selfish, blessed, overwhelmed, judgmental, prideful and way too stubborn. 
    you  see when you take on the world. it  gets to heavy to carry alone. to lonely  to face the real facts.  all these mixed  emotions  going through my head.  to   focused on myself and how i felt  to  notice that i was  not acting very christian like. come on  now  we are all guilty  of this.  we all have  struggles but we have got to gather enough strength to trust Jesus. he  is the only one to carry us through the storms of life.  he  loves us to much to  leave us the  same

so if you are reading this and you have lost your will  it's not to late to  get it back again. it's never to late to find  your way your  hope. but  you  have to be willing to reach out and ask for help in the days  when  life is caving in all around  you.I dare  you to get up and fight  for life!!!! take your  stand  be all that you can be and don't look back.


elz

Thursday, 13 October 2011

you can run but you cannot hide

Dear Reader,
     how  many  times  have you  wanted to  just  scream out your frustrations. i mean a  full out  scream.  you  spend all this time  trying to figure out  what's  going on inside your  heart.  and when the  answers  don't  come you just run instead of  holding out  for the  bigger picture. you cave  in  instead of trusting  God.  you  receive  all this  advice  about  what you are  doing  wrong instead of  the  facts.
      I  can't say for  sure  this is  what job  must of felt. i mean  everything  was  taken  from him yet his heart remained  faithful to God.  his  friends  tried to talk him out of his place.  they  must of thought they were right or  something.  I  mean  when you face difficult  situations you  trust your  friends  to  speak words of life  to you.and  then they offer there  opinions makes  you want to scream even more  depends on the circumstance however.  usually  you  want to scream  cause  you  are having an  attitude about  something  silly,but to you  it's  the most  serious  deal ever. whether they are right or wrong  in your  mind  you  only  hear  what you want to hear.  Going  back to job.  he trusted God over his  friends and  he  was  blessed  way more. think about it! when we  fix our  eyes on the things of  man we fall. but when we trust the creator of  heaven and earth we  find  peace even in the  difficult  situations of life.
   Right  now i am  having a  really bad attitude towards  some very specific people in my life. I've been praying and praying Jesus make my heart right. and my heart feels  even more heavier.  I keep having in a way little  tantrums in my mind.  If there is  peace why can't I  feel it  right now is what i keep asking.  Jesus is  always there  maybe the facts  are i have allowed my heart to take on silly offenses and until i deal  then my heart shall remain heavy.  
maybe  like me  you  have  picked up little offenses and until you  take time to deal  with them/ and make sure  when you do deal with them that your  heart  motives are right if not you  will speak out of hurt and anger.  nothing will get solved and you will be more  angry then  when you started. I don't  have any  more answers  for  this at  the moment  except  i  do not enjoy  this  little  attitude  i have towards these  people.  in my  mind i am right but  when it comes to offense  you  need to suck it up no matter how hard it is.and  believe  me it's  easier  said then done.  my  flesh doesn't  want to  suck it up but  my spirit knows that  I need to deal with things.  letting  go of  an offense is  not  in a way  giving up.  it's  humbling  yourself  enough to say  I AM WRONG!!!!!! when it  comes  down to it. if you  don't  deal with the  an offense you  really  just  run away instead of deal with the  situation. there are times  you  really  don't  want to deal with it, it  is to hard.
 Suck  it  up  princess  and  deal  with the issues  at heart before it gets  worse.  (I know this is a little more harsh but it's what needs to be said.)
 this time i have to follow  my own  advice.  even though i don't  want to!!!


elz


  

Saturday, 8 October 2011

legacy set before us

                  Dear Reader,Inspired by my grandma and  Mr  Wallace McNee
you  know the days  where  life passes  by  so slow or  so it seems. I am  sitting here at  work in this moment.  i  have  a heart of  compassion for  the  things  of  old.  you  may  ask  what are the things of  old.  they are  the  moments  we  treasure the  days  that pass by and  memories  left  behind. it is now  yes  now in this  moment that i  realize  what it's  like  to have a heart of thankfulness.
  For just a  few  moments  ago i had a older  gentle men in here  at Gerber's or  at  work (for those  who don't  know  what Gerber's  is). His  name   Wallace McNee what a  perfect  detective name (anyone  else agree?) as we  talked  my heart began to fill with compassion. you  see for most  of us  we  are so busy living our  lives for now. but once we retire and  are  stuck in the nursing home.  there is  a  sense at times of  feeling  trapped. feeling  caged in  now  not always  for everyone. but for those of  us  that are adventurous at heart. we like to  get out  we like to try new things.the  very  thought of  been  kept inside  all day every  day  DOES NOT EXCITE ME.  you  see  if  it's  one thing i know doesn't  matter  how young  or  how old  we are.  we all  want our  personal  freedom. no one likes  to feel lost  and  alone.  
  I used to work at a nursing home and  you  see  so many  people  almost forgotten about.  I  wasn't  really  allowed to connect  with  the  residents. but  how can you not!  how can you  just  ignore the  fact  that some have  absolutely  no one  left.  that breaks my heart. I  mean i am just one  person but I  have  the  chance to reach out  to young and old am I  taking that chance to  give the  old a  hope  again. maybe they  just  need  hope  today to?  maybe they need us to reach out.  i know  for most  we think  what can we possibly offer.  our  FRIENDSHIP is  enough. Our  making time for them is enough.
  I know I am guilty of not making time for the  elderly! maybe  today we can rise to the challenge.  maybe we can offer  hope where hope feels distant to  so many.
   you  see  i have 2  great  grandmother left. and  1 Grandmother  left. my Grandmother  has  alzhiemers, she  doesn't even  know who I am  anymore.  not going to lie that's very  hard to  chew on at times. lately i've  really  missed  having a  chance to  connect with my Grandma.  there is  so much that I want to talk to my Grandma about.  I  see alot me in her.  my  grandma's ministry  is  my deepest  hearts desire. i want to  counsel and  bring hope to those that have no hope. i know that i have a strong  prophetic touch  as  did  my grandma.  the dreams written upon my heart are  things  that my Grandma  started.I  am going to carry on her legacy.  I am going to set those who think they are right  straight. I  am going to have a counsel upon my mouth that  will speak into alot of  people's live.My  grandma  must  have  been praying for me  along time.  Cause  i have teaching qualities just like her. don't  grow  old  thinking that  you  have  nothing to offer.  for  what  God has placed upon the tablets of our  hearts is  no mistake.  we are  called to be  so much more.
  So today  I  will  conclude with a  small prayer  to all the  Grandparents out there that have believed in our  generation  that have  set a legacy  for us to carry out,
 Jesus  thank you  for the  Grandparents that you  purposefully placed in our lives.  and all the older  influences in our lives. may  you  bless them and and answer there prayers.
love you  Grandma 


elz

Thursday, 6 October 2011

patriots vs loyalists

So i  don't  know to much about war things   my  brother  is  the  war  expert  well in my opinion he is.  the other night i was  watching a movie called  felicity and  it was  about loyalists and  patriots.  now   to break it  down in to  simple terms  patriots were  fighting for Independence and  freedom and  the loyalists  stood by the king.  (any  war guys  out there can correct me if I'm wrong) anyways  there are  2 sides which  side is right?
   the patriots wanted to  stand up against the king.  i don't know that  either or  are  exactly  wrong.  just thinking  about it.  
     patriots  wanted there freedom the will to fight.  nothing  would  take that from them  they were passionate  about  what they stood  for.  take for example our believes. I  am a strong  believer.  and I  won't let anyone  talk me out of my place. God made me  so uniquely and purposefully.
    Now  take the loyalists.  they are also feel very about what they believe.  they  believe  they are  right. they  are faithful  and loyal to the  leaders. they  will  stand up strong and keep there  guard up.  
    you  take both  sides and they  both are raising up an army.  if they  joined  forces think about the army.  think about the unity the strength. yet the  patriots and  the loyalists are  to  full of  pride to  stuck in there ways to  see that if they worked together maybe just  maybe there could  be  a  peace.  can you imagine this?? I  mean a  real peace. none  of this  choosing  sides  business.  but reality  kicks in!! maybe you are out there and you need  peace in your  life.  but everything in life is  going down hill.  your  joy is  gone. your  life is  full of  anxiety and  full of  pride. today   I  want to  tell you  that you  can find a  peace you can  join forces.  stand up strong and  receive  this  freedom that  seems  so distant.


elz
  


  

Monday, 3 October 2011

we are the body!

How many  times  have you  walked into a  new  church.  you  are surrounded in all new  people the  conversations  flowing through out the rooms. some distinct  chatter.  as  you walk in to the new  surroundings  you  are  normally greeted with greeters.  a  few smiling faces,  faces  all turning  for a  few  quick  moments.
   now  let me ask you a  few questions? what kind  of christian  are you?  the  one  who will go out of your  way for the  new  people and welcome  them in. or  are  you the  kind of  Christian to focused on going to church to see your  friends for another  Sunday service, how many  of us are to busy  to make time  for  the  new  people  coming and  going to church??with  all that said! next  time a  new person  comes to church will you welcome them?
   here my heart if you will.  when i left my old church i left broken i left  hurt i left  bitter and  cold.  as i walked into crossroads  there was 2 main people  Vance and Julie  detman.  they  welcomed  me and  greeted me.I  don't know if I would  of come back  if it  weren't for them  9 years ago.  because of there example i have  tried to do the  same over the years. i mean there is so many people out there looking for hope looking for rescue.  so  if we are the  church and  we are supposed to be the hands and feet of God sort of speak.  then why  do we  not take the time to reach out to the new comers. there is such a need  out there. 
   it's time to make time for time. it's  time to reach out and be the church body. if you a blind person trying to cross the  road would you  stop and help them or would you walk by and ignore that  you might actually  be exactly what that blind person needed that day.  are  you too consumed in your  circumstances that when a  friend  needs  help you are  to  busy too take the time.
  If we are the church then why do we  pass all these chances by  every day. I am  guilty to!!!  ouch right!!!!! we are  guilty of that at least  once in our lives!!!

elz