Dear reader,
Lately I have felt an attack on my character. It's like i get past one thing and then another thing just as hard hits me like a an arrow to the heart. everything in me wants to run and hide. you see i am good at speaking from the surface but from the depths of my heart yeah you can forget that!! it's not that i don't want to let people in it's that i don't trust many. i know i write all these blogs on life. i write from the heart of things. yet the writer aka me can't seem to get to the heart of things for myself.
On Wednesday I went to tribe and decided that i need to start praying for the leaders. ( p.s any leader that needs prayer please come to me before tribe starts and i would love to pray for you) as worship ended my eyes just began to water with passion for our king. God is greater then anything we are going through. i anxiously awaited to find out if i made the worship team. and the answer was no in fact i have been taken off the worship team completely. to tell you the truth I was not upset. in fact as funny as it was i was just hoping that people won't get the wrong idea. that season is over and this is my time to shine. i just know where my light needs to shine.this is my season. my season to change my character. i mean to let God do the work needed in me. cause on my own everything feels like it's fading though i have the most amazing friends that one could pray for. ( each of my friend is instrumental in there own way. take my friend James. he is always there with strength and willing to pray and speak into my life. then there is Michelle who is iron sharpens iron, then there is Tiffany who will tell you the truth as it is. then you have Amanda who is relatable, then you have Jethro who will call me out on things that no one knows about, then you have Charlotte that is very gentle but has so much to offer and Bobbi Joe she is like a big sister and has the biggest loving heart, she would be there for anyone in a heart beat. thank you Jesus for influential people in my life and those that i didn't mention God uses you all so much you all have such a special place in my life and in my heart.
(oh God you are my god, I will ever praise you, I will praise you in the morning, I will learn to walk in your ways. and step by step you lead me. and i will follow you all of my days.)
Maybe like me you feel as thought you can't find your place. in side of you, you know that you belong, but you don't know where you fit in the picture. you try to tell yourself that it will be alright and it will. be alright! I can't stand the feeling of inadequacy of the heart it's very unsettling. ha ha ha
maybe your circumstances are overwhelming and you have had enough. you just can't stand the place you are in. I know where you are at i know the hard places that you are facing because i think this is the worst month for me really can't wait for it to be over to be honest. but here's the thing as long as we are running from our circumstances we aren't going to change we are just going to stay the same until we truly get it. you know that God allows us to go through the hard times so that we can grow and be better for it. he loves us to much to leave us the same. so get over this thinking that you don't fit that you aren't good enough. it's time to smarten up and thank Jesus for everything.
Michelle told me today that we are like a cookie. Jesus is the flour that holds the substance holds the foundation. with each season you go through there is another ingredient that God adds. if you take the spoon and Don't let God put the ingredient say for example the vanilla extract. if you keep God back and don't allow him to give you he next ingredient that cookie is not complete.so do you want to be fully baked and fully prepared or do you want to be the cookie that has missing ingredients? each of us makes a different kind of cookie. we are fearfully and wonderfully made in all of Gods creation.( analogy from Michelle)
els
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