clean

    Here's  to  everyone  out there  that is struggling with purity now.  this  is  a subject that   everyone  deals with.  i want to share some of my  story with you. in hopes that  those who read this will be encouraged knowing that where ever you  are where you struggle the  most there is a way  to come clean.
  OK  so last year i lost  a lot of weight  i was the  smallest  i had been in 10 years.  I didn't  know what  it was like to have guys  like me. I totally  sucked in the attention.  i messed up with  a guy. it was just a kiss no harm done right? wrong! that  only lasted about a month or 2.  then  last  June i  met  up with a old guy friend from high school.  he  was  super attractive in my opinion we did  all the things  a  dating couple does. canoeing, playing music  together  writing letters back and forth. we had so many laughs and fun times. as this  friendship  developed i convinced myself that i was going to marry this guy one day he  just  didn't know it yet.  he didn't understand  how determined  i was.  everything  was all good  he was like my best friend. very  honest,  respectable,  even now  hes one of the most honourable guys i know. anyways 2 weeks  before  Christmas  we had a talk and  decided it was time to  break off all ties.  it was an emotional break up.  but  the  damage it  bestowed upon my heart. left me in ruins, i tried to convince everyone i was fine  and there  was days  that i really was. but  other days i just wanted to  crawl in a corner and  hide  myself. i  began  to isolate  myself from  friends and  others. slowly  taking myself out of  service at  church. I was completely broken inside. we had the hugest fight  i think it was  like 3 weeks  later.  it left me even more hurt,  in shackles. it was like this  huge part of me was stripped out.  I tried to contain my hurt  but  there  were nights  i would  cry myself to sleep. then  wake up the  next  day and  where  a smile as if there  was nothing wrong.  in January i decided i was tired of  feeling sorry  for myself. so  I went on christian mingle.com talked to a few guys but nothing much at  first then i met this  guy he ended up being from  Michigan.He came down from  Michigan. i figured he was a christian. so I'd  be safe.  no i was not.  he  was stronger then i  we  ended up fooling around.  that same week  i  messed up with another  guy. none of these  guys meant anything to me i was trying to cover up the pain that  i  felt inside.it was then that i opened the  doors to places for the enemy  to really get a hold of me.  he  has really  lied to me and i am telling you  now  its not fun. the  damage that  comes from  even just  opening the door a crack is not worth it. I am still fighting through  the  damage. just  when I  thought i wouldn't  fall   for  the lies i did.  here's  the  truth i tried to  run from my problems  but  instead got  sucked in further trying to  deny  and  say that i  don't  have  purity  issues. 
  The  other day  I was  cleaning windows outside  at work and as I started i realised that  there  was a place i missed. as I sprayed more  Windex on  and  scrubbed a little  harder. God spoke  to me he  said."elz sometimes when you  think you are  clean  on the outside you  need  to  go a Little  deeper  on the inside."
  you  know  why  we feel unclean is  from things  we do that  we know are wrong.  to anyone who says  oh it's  easy  just  don't  sin.  you're  wrong we have all fallen short  of the glory of God.  who  am i to judge you.  here's the  thing  each of us  are  ugly inside  what i mean  have  you  ever  lied cheated  stolen,   said  mean things,  used  Gods  name in vein, ( just to clear this up this is not a  pity  party  make you  feel bad about yourself blog) treated  someone less then they way they  ought to be treated. I  have. I have hurt  lied  cheated  judged  etc  you  know  the list goes on for all of us.  all those  things  alone  make us  clean that is the  flesh.  but when you  have the holy spirit living in you.  the   bible  says. as far as the east  is from the from west that's  how far he  has removed our  transgressions from us. so  let's  stop  feeling  sorry for  ourselves and get up  and  give our  uncleanliness to God. i  know that  it hurts  trust me i am here with you  all.  this is not easy  but  if we  are going to move  forward in life  we  must begin to let God  change us  redeem us, find us  where  we are  at. greater  is he that is in us then he that is in the world.  maybe this makes  sense and maybe it doesn't but  its  real stuff.  i  could write  more here  but i think we  will let  this  penetrate us.  let it sink in. we  are  worthy,  we are  valuable we are made new in Christ just have to let him be God and step aside.


Elz